Salaam alaykoum – Greetings of Peace upon all
Welcome to my new blog on WordPress.com. This isn’t my first blog, I’ve actually published other blogs on MSN spaces and Blogger.com. I didn’t write much on the latter, but I’ve had my MSN blog since 2005 — it’s called Realm of Mystics and Seekers. I’ve been quite devastated and depressed lately, and so I thought making another blog would be a healthy way to recover. I chose to discontinue posting on my other blog because it’s filled with memories and I feel it’s better to leave it untouched.
Before I continue, I guess a brief introduction would be nice. I just turned 24 years earlier this month. I consider myself a devout Muslim and although I don’t call myself Sunni, Shia, or Sufi, I was born Sunni, but share many Shia and Sufi beliefs. I believe a lot of ignorance exists about Islam in the western world, but there is also plenty of ignorance about it within the Muslim community. I strive to journey on a mystical path – one which enables me to travel closer to my true Self, God, and Love. I’m also a student/independent filmmaker. Lately, I’ve been focusing on material that discusses Muslims in the post 9/11 era. Obviously there are a lot of misconceptions about Muslims in the media, and I believe having prominent voices in the media would significantly help break stereotypes. My other interests include psychology, music, art, poetry, reading, writing, philosophy, photography, roller hockey, and a whole bunch of other things!
Anyway, back to the reason why I decided to create another blog: I lost my Soul Mate. People may laugh at that, but whatever I experienced with her was the most Truest thing I ever felt. This blog is not about her, it’s not about our problems, it’s about venting and “moving on” I guess, although I’ve been despising this phrase lately. I’m sure there are many other people who have gone through this, but I just feel that whatever happened to us was unfair. I never felt so broken and weak before. What happens to all the beautiful experiences that people share together. What happens to all the things that were spoken, expressed, and created in the Name of that Special Love?
I can’t eat sometimes. I can’t sleep because every night I dream of her. When I look at the sky, I don’t see anything. I’ve begun to question God’s plans. I question all the signs that I truly felt were Divine. We always held God close in our relationship, but one day, she lost feelings. She doesn’t even know herself what the reason was. And what can I do? I cannot force anyone to feel something. But after such a profound relationship, how can I forget all the Beauty, all the Truths, and all the wonderful moments we shared? Where does it all go? Other people break up because of cheating/unfaithfulness, lying, or physical abuse, but we had none of this. Sure, arguments here and there, but everything was beautiful. I do not believe our relationship lacked logic or reason, but perhaps she did. Perhaps she saw our lives were not compatible because of our separate careers and ambitions.
Thank you for reading so far. I promise to make my next post more interesting. If you find this blog worth visiting and would like to come back, you are more than welcome to. Thank you.
Salaam/Peace
~ Broken Mystic
Sobia said,
February 16, 2008 at 5:12 pm
Salaam,
Keep your chin up. I know that’s a cliched phrase but it’s good to keep going. This is a great forum to get things out.
As for ‘moving on’ – It seems like you’re supposed to move away from something you cherished and forget it so it may seem bitter. But try to think of it as having had a wonderful experience and now you will be moving to the next wonderful experience always carrying with you the memories and the things you learned about people, about yourself, about relationships, with you.
Aafke said,
February 20, 2008 at 7:58 pm
I’ve just discovered your blog, I like it very much already.
You’ve chosen a beautiful theme.
seekingnoor said,
February 24, 2008 at 10:17 pm
Salaam brother, what a heartfelt post. I am loving your blog. Please, don’t despair about losing your soul-mate. I don’t know the particulars of your situation, but have faith that this happened for a reason. Whether she just needed time to sort through her feelings and will be back, or whether this is an experience for you to measure all future experiences, it happened for a reason that is just not clear to you right now. Allah subhana wa ta’ala does not place a burden upon any soul more than what it can bear. (I don’t know who wrote that, but I wrote it down when I read it…)
I leave you with a poem:
Sometimes you get as frightened as a camel
Sometimes you get stuck in the mud like hunted prey
O young fool
how long will you keep running away from yourself?
In the end,
the thing will happen anyway
Just go in the direction
where there is no direction
Go, search there.
~Rumi~
Peace to you brother.
brokenmystic said,
February 25, 2008 at 12:24 am
Wa salaam seekingnoor
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and that beautiful quote by Rumi. I never read that before, but it really touched my soul just now.
I also recognize that quote about how Allah does not place burden upon a soul more than they can bear. It’s from the Qur’an 2:286, sadakallah al-azeem
As painful as things are now, I know that Allah will bring forth healing and answers, insha’Allah. As you said, everything happens for a reason and in many cases, it takes a lot of time to realize why it happened. It’s just the emerging out of the pain that’s the difficult part.
Thanks for visiting, salaam!
seekingnoor said,
February 25, 2008 at 3:06 am
I really honestly did not know that quote came from the Qur’an, and am feeling pretty ignorant right now, may Allah forgive me. I know that I had read it somewhere but obviously it wasn’t quoted or I would have remembered it. Thank you for telling me because now I will never forget it!