Delirium

+Master Doorkeeper b
The mystics invited me to their gathering
On the way, a strange man met me on the road
He stood before me, eclipsing the sun in his black robes
He said, “Come to the carnival instead”

I followed him like a ghost crossing into another world
Where everything is spoken through symbols and metaphor
I watched as we passed through the crowded fair
Of old and young lost in the recreation of ancient folklore

Wizards with their tarot cards, magicians in medieval costumes
Mimes trapped in their imaginary prisons
Fire breathers lighting up the sky in wonder
Appearing like dragons in the imagination of children

A sun-colored butterfly fluttered amidst the strange
I followed its flight to a stone-faced audience
Watching the puppet show of Crusaders and Saracens
Hypnotized by the centuries of cruelty and violence

My eyes sank in sorrow
Not realizing that the man I came with
Vanished into the unknown
Leaving only a compass around my neck

It pointed to a tall, thin man watching me with his gothic eyes
A crystal ball levitating in the palm of his hand
I looked inside and saw myself soaring through clouded skies
He veiled the image and invited me into the large tent behind him

“Come, step inside,” he said

Walking through, I listened to the magical bells
Echoing in peaceful jubilee
As a garden bloomed on the concert stage
With rose petals raining like dream-like fantasy

A young girl dressed as a princess
Whirling beneath the falling tulips
With a halo hovering over her head
And a precious smile painted on her lips

She reminds me of the ocean’s dance
When I was another child
Dreaming about portals in the sea
And escaping far, far away into self-exile

For a moment, it was all happiness and bliss
Like living in a floating sphere vibrant with color
Like beautiful words blown into the wind
Touching skin and heart softly like an Angel’s kiss

But how transitory that was
When the wild lights began to spiral
And I heard those crazy circus clowns
Laughing wickedly on their unicycles

Their laughter reminds me of hellfire
Roaring through those endless fields of mine
Burning every flower, slaughtering every dream
Leaving nothing left to grow, nothing left to find

They juggled their sharp and deadly blades
Grinning at the audience like cardboard cartoons
Each dagger spinning and slicing through the air
I can only hear violence and murder in their tune

As if they were putting on a sadistic show
Where I was the dummy flown to the highest cloud
Only to have my strings cut and fall below
Deep into the heart of the darkest abyss

I left the tent, not wanting to stay any longer
Yet it were gypsy strings that called me to another street
Beyond the ferris wheel where families gathered
Beyond the swan boats where Lovers drifted upon the lake

I saw the fiddle player sitting upon a stage
Next to a luminous unicorn glowing like a star in Heaven
A magician bowed her head as the marveled audience clapped
Her eyes searched through the sea of faces and met mine in unison

She smiled and said, “I need a volunteer”

As if it was instinct and meant to be
I rose my hand and made my way through the masses
She opened her hand, waiting for me
Like a savior offering eternal refuge and escape

Our fingers touched, our hands merged
I felt my heart tremble as a current rippled inside
She drew me silently up the steps
Like I was the seeker and she the guide

“This Way,” she whispered
While walking me to a double-sided door
Nothing behind it, nothing within
Just a frame of wood, nothing more

She wrapped a blindfold around my eyes
Mystified and blinded in darkness
She told me I could remove it soon
After I opened the door and walked inside

I took my careful steps, hoping for answers
And closed the door behind me
I finally removed the blindfold
Only to find myself in a hall of spiraling mirrors

I turned around and reached for the knob
But watched it unscrew and fall to the crimson floor
Pounding at the door, I heard nothing from the other side
The past sealed shut – no other way but forward

I walked to the center of the room
Watching infinite reflections follow myself
Gazing deep into my own eyes, I saw a storm gather
The joys, the pain, the misery, the light, the gloom

I became lost in my own self
Not wanting the heart’s agony anymore
A desire to flee from this shell swept over me
A desire I never recognized before

I thought to myself and longed for escape:

I’d rather be a statue in the water fountain
Engraved with a smile on my face
Handing out roses to the lonely souls
Who just want to live in a beautiful place

I’d rather be a voice in your mind
Telling you that it’s going to be ok
As you drive home alone late at night
Dwelling on your sorrows and contemplating suicide

I’d rather be the ever-present spirit of Love
Holding you in arms, whispering comfort in your ears
As you weep over your broken heart
And wallow in unwanted fear

I’d rather be a guardian Angel
For an innocent prisoner sitting on death row
Adoring her paintings and releasing her from the shackles
Carrying her beautiful soul into the next life

I’d rather be a drop of rain
Kissing your cheek for comfort
Or a ray of light from the sun
Reminding your heart that it will shine again

I’d rather be the gentle breeze blowing through your hair
Accompanied by the magical tune of the santour
A sheet of wind wrapping around you
Carrying your imagination to a distant seashore

I’d rather be a vision of a better world
Rushing into the arms of artists and activists
Celebrating in tears of joy as each and every dream
Is made real and manifest

I’d rather feel nothing
No anger, no hate, no pain
No one to hurt, no one to blame
Nothing to take, nothing to gain

“I” would rather not exist

And suddenly, the hallway erupted in laughter
My eyes darted down both ends of the room
Before realizing it came from my reflection in the mirror
“Why do you laugh?” I ask

“Because you are the real lunatic,” he answered
Mysteriously, he stepped out of the reflection
Standing in front of me, he said: “Yet you remain a coward”
“For all you know how to do is merely speak of non-existence”

Without warning, like a being possessed
I broke the mirror with my fist
And with one swift motion
I slit my clone’s throat with a blade of glass

The blood splashed on the mirrors
The entire glass hallway shattered – Kshhh!!
The pieces flew into my skin
As the ground beneath me shook like an earthquake

I fell through the floor
And found myself tumbling through outer space
Debris floating around me as I plunged deeper
I became surrounded by stars, distant planets and nebulae

Comets, meteors, galaxies whirling in darkness
I spun like a pinwheel, spiraling in every direction
My arms extending, my fingers reaching
Reaching for something in desperation

Reaching for Love, hope, beauty
For happiness, joy, euphoria
For peace, balance, tranquility
For life, home – something, anything!

My skin turning pale
My body surrendering
My blood freezing to ice
My heart beginning to fail

A voice enters my mind – Look, over here!
I turn and see Simurgh – my old Friend
Soaring through the heavens like a shooting star
Oh, Simurgh, I thought you were dead

Carried by the solar winds
She swoops above me – bloodied from our past
Before I could smile, her talons dig into my chest
And violently tears me open

My screams suffocated by the cosmic void
Only tears and blood can trickle from my eyes
When murdered by the Friend of Love
Only the soul can fill the universe with my endless cries

Amidst the pain, I heard sound emerge in space
I saw Simurgh pulling stars with her flapping wings
Energy and light – They raced in my direction!
I heard music! – Like a symphony of strings!

Luminous orbs of plasma gathering like an ocean
And swirling like a solar typhoon
I heard them whistling through the dark
As they charged towards my open wound

I heard the orchestra’s crescendo
The chant of mystics resounding
The passion drums pounding
Duum! Duum! Duum!

I understood now
As the realization came to me
“Death before death”
The Way to eternity

O Giver of Love and Mercy!
You have cut me open
Pull Your storm
Into me

Flames shooting out of my eyes
And infinite rays of light beaming in every direction
As my heart swallowed Heaven’s fire
Every star filling me with divine resurrection

I have exploded into infinity
Sailing to that Love I cannot name
Expanding forever with the universe
Bidding farewell to yesterday’s “me”

And upon those memories of sorrow, I smile at you

I am Supernova
And you are Stargazer
Watch the multi-colored flame
Of my Being shine anew

~ Broken Mystic~

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With You

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I was dreaming of Mecca
The tomb in Medina
The memories in Jerusalem
The shrine in Karbala

Look at the congregations on Friday
Worshipers rushing into the Mosques
Listen to that beautiful call to prayer
It is all for You, my Creator

Believers memorize Your sacred verses
Theologians are absorbed in pursuit of Divine knowledge
Scholars fill endless books about Your Supreme Majesty
Mystics adorn Your Beauty with poetry

I am jealous of all Your Lovers
I want to be the only pilgrim in the holy city
I want to stand before the Kaabah alone
Just You and me

Call me Your slave
Tell me where I belong
Attend to my wounds
Tell me where I am wrong

I am reaching for Elysium
Remove this horrible grief and sorrow
Take me for another dance
And teach me a new lesson

Just You and me

Call it blasphemy, call it selfish
The words of those clerics cannot judge me
For my longings and prayers are only known to One

~Broken Mystic~

Dear Love

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Dear Love,
I remember the night we met
When You climbed over those walls I built
And held my hand to show me a new horizon
Revealing a world I could never imagine

When I wanted to turn my face in the other direction
Your gentle touch brought me closer
I watched my fortress melt by Your Passion
I didn’t resist and burned it down with You

Oh Love, you tore through my Soul!
You pulled a Thunderous Storm of Fire into me!
You unfastened Your Love to unleash fiery Romance
And conquered my Being to set me Free

You pinned me to the ground
Gazed into my eyes and swallowed my words
You filled me with the sweetest pleasure I ever knew
And my heart became music to praise Your Name with every pound

Oh Love, you maddened me!
Fire in my heart, Flames in my eyes
Desire on my lips, hot blood in my veins
A human torch for Beauty

Oh Love, but then You struck me down!
While I was singing and soaring with ecstasy
Your sword plunged into my breast!
So violently, so painfully, so suddenly

I crashed so hard through the thorns
I bled for hours and searched the forest to find You
I shouted Your Name, but only heard the haunting echoes
The Garden was vacant, the flowers wounded
I shivered, I trembled, I collapsed and mourned

Oh Love, You murdered me!
Brutality to my soul, a massacre to my dreams
Betrayed, broken, shattered, butchered
Memories scattered over a forgotten sea

In rainfall I wept one day
Feeling so alone without You
Little did I know, You were right there
Wrapping Your Warm Arms around me

“I have always been Here,” You said

Tears of sorrow became tears of joy
As everything began to shine
I turned and embraced You
Oh Love, I was blind the whole time

You bring Life, You bring Death
You Destroy, You Restore
Friend, this Secret You whisper in my ear
Has become my Road to Heaven’s Door

Dear Love, it is Here where I surrender
It is Here, where I dance
Like a Flower blooming in the Garden
I am a Rose for You

Turning and ascending
Painted with Passion
Calling out Your Name
Joy or torment, it doesn’t matter

I remain Loyal to You

~Broken Mystic~

Oneness

dietrich_rumi

An old poem I wrote in August of 2007. I recently shared it on one of my friend’s Facebook page, so I decided to share it here as well.

Look beyond the illusion of separation
Call me not by labels of the world
Not even “male” or “man”
Do not look at the color of my skin
Or what flag I “belong” to

Muslim, Christian, Jew, Buddhist, Hindu,
European, African, Middle-Eastern, Asian
Whatever you are, come closer
Love’s flame says, “I can’t take it anymore”

Mystic fire races through the unseen
Burning the walls of separation to ashes
“The gates have been unlocked”, says Divine Love
“And the keys were melted by my passion”

Your maps are wrong, erase those borders
Move closer to each other
Language, culture, religion – these are not barriers
Friendship always finds a way

Throw your labels away for once
And put judgment to rest
Look inside, beneath the skin
Do you see what burns within?
The flame of Being – I am that
You are that

Love has shattered those inner walls
And said, “You will not need these anymore”
Receive with open arms, open heart
Radiate, Shine, and Give

Glow with me, O world!

We belong to the same family
Same Creation, same Source
Take up your instruments
From all corners of the earth
And celebrate this unity!

O Beloved, burn with me!

~Broken Mystic~

Heal

Lost in the mystic garden
You listen to the wounded flowers
And mourn with the song of separation
Arcane violins lamenting the conference of sad Souls

Teardrops in the earth, daggers in the sky
The rain is bleeding your name in each drop
Weak blossoms weep for Beloved
Trembling vines kiss moonlight a painful goodbye

A thousand fallen rose petals for heartbreak
Seven hundred for misery
One million for exile
Sorrow immortalized on a Persian tapestry

Watching from the terrace
You see memories scattered like pearls
Across the silent ocean
Sailing quietly to their black abyss

Your fortress burned to the ground
And you walked away from the ruins – why?
Back to your library, you went
In pursuit of words and the wise

A flute player comes knocking the next day
You have been up all night, shattered from the inside
“Go away!” you shout
“I’m Reading!”

“O Seeker!” he says,
“Like a blind fugitive, you were chased back into your prison
If only you understood the words you read
You would have never closed this door again!”

Tribal nomads arrive with their instruments
And play a melody of sorrow and beauty
With poetry like an Urdu Ghazal
And music like the ethereal

The flute player explains
“Joy and Sorrow are mirrors to each other
Beneath Sorrow, treasures of Joy is what you will always find
When you were in ruins, you left these behind:”

A paintbrush and a bowl of colors

It is the only way out – paint on the prison wall
The vision of your heart – walk into it!
Pass through the Portal of Experience
Be drawn to Love’s sacred call

Tear through the cloak of Reason and step into the Unseen
You have the flame of Zarathustra burning with the soul of the world
You have the staff of Moses transforming all illusion into reality
You have the light of Muhammad shining upon all creation

Keep painting, Soul Painter!
Merge the Visible with the Invisible
Defy the odds like Imam Husayn and ‘Ali
Spears and daggers are no obstacle
In the face of this hidden wonder’s unity

Listen:
The wild dance of the santur
Rhythmic tabla, the strike of the sitar
The cinematic overture

Dance in the Eternal King’s courtyard
Escape the man-made rules and laws of control
Dance! You are a planet orbiting His Beauty
Only He can look into the window of your Soul

Creator says:
You have nothing to fear
I am with you
Show Me your wounds
And I will heal them
Tell Me your sorrows
And I will show you that I am near
Tell Me your hardships
And I will show you the blessed path you travel
Tell Me of those endless halls you wander
And I will guide you through
Hand Me your tears
And I will show you the ocean they belong to

Open your hands
And reach into the sky if you want to be lifted
Let your feet bid farewell to the earth
If you want to soar to infinity

Close your eyes
Breathe – arms out, heart open
Receive the wind, the sea, the spirit of all creation
Embrace this Love that cannot be named

Now open your eyes
Here is the Garden, here is the Sun
To the Fields of Fortune you must go
Leap, with all of your Being

Elysium awaits you, Brave one.

~ Broken Mystic~

Soul Sings Malayalam

I am not Malayali, and I do not speak Malayalam
Yet I am singing with the mystics in this tongue
These words, Mind does not understand
But Soul dances to the tune of mystery!

They show us maps, borders, and dividers
Grasp a hold of your sanity, they say!
China does not need the tongue of Senegal
Egyptians do not sing Japanese!
The Pashtun does not read in Hebrew!
Mongolians do not understand Lebanese
What purpose do you have in this song?

Ya insaan (O humankind), with your prejudices
No wonder you do not see the Soul’s gift of colors
Deaf to the music, you dwell in your prison
Walled off from beauty in your ethno-centricism

O Soul, the Mind says you are mad
But all you want is to dance freely in the wind
And tonight, the Song of the Soul is Malayali
And so I sing:

He kuruvaani kiliyae-aeee!
Kuruvaani kiliyae!

Kukkuru kurukuru koovik kurugik kunnimanaththai
Ooyal aadi kooduvagukkik koottu vilikkunnae
Maaran ninnaik koogik kurugik koottu vilikkunnae-aeeee!

~ Broken Mystic~

(Malayalam lyrics from “Jiya Jale” by A.R. Rahman and Gulzar)